British Petroleum
(BP, the oil company that has a flower for a logo!) Overview Drilling - Regulations = Profits!! BP, also known as Big Polluter Biblical Proportion Beyond Petroleum, is a Real American Company British Company who is helping America's Cars to run on American Oil, none of that foreign arab oil or hippie flower power algae/corn. Real Americans need American Oil and BP is here to make sure that we get as much oil as we can until we drown on it Products and Services Oil flavored shrimp Oil flavored crabs Oil flavored fish Oil flavored water Oil flavored turtle soup Oil flavored oysters Oil flavor carcass! Oil flavored oil (with a 100% more oil!) Oil flavored lemonade "Oilinade"!! (Fructose Corn Syrup Free!!!) Pre-packed Oil in Tuna Oil Oil More Oil Oil rig safety equipment more motherfuckin' oil! BP soon to release it's newest product: Oil Flavored Toxic Soup! Now With 30% Less Sodium!! Coming Soon "BP Cares" T-Shirts!! History ███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ or █████▋██ ███████ Mineral Management Service ███ ██▋▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋ oil █████ ███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ hookers. █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋ █████ ███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ cocaine █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ Bin Laden ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋ George W. Bush █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ corruption ███ ██▋ █████ ███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ basketball game tickets ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊ sex ███████ █████▋██ lobbyist ███████ ███ ██▋▊ █████▋██ Drill, Baby, Drill ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋ oil █████ ███████ ███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊██████ ██▋███▊▊ deregulation ███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████▋██ Halliburton ███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ Yakuza █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋█████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋ favors █████ ███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ Exxon ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋ █████ ███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊ ██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████▋██ Halliburton ███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ or █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████▋██ less safety equipment ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊ more profits ███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋█████▋ ███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊██████ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████▋██ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ less environmental concern █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████▋██ █████▋██ BP's CEO Tony Hayward is the current CEO of BP is the retired CEO of BP. He has proven to be an awesome CEO over the years and thanks to his radical leadership the company has experienced a period of high profits thanks to his radical money making policies. Unfortunately Hayward has shown signs that he wants to spend more time with his family, he declares that the stress of making too much money is making his life hard and wants to return to a normal and peaceful life. Hayward has done a superb job in wining the hearts and minds of the American people during the Oil Spill Crisis an inevitable accident in the Ocean. Hayward has declared thanks to BP's efforts they have rescued many animals and there is no need to clean up the rest of the oil as it is inconsequential to the natural habitat of Louisiana. BP's Candidates for CEO With the sad retirement of Tony Hayward, BP is looking for his replacement and they have received potential candidates: *David Vitter, he has the credential of being pro-business and pro-rape nature War Crime Accusations There are no War Crimes, those are libural lies! Everyone knows that was an unavoidable accident and accidents happens! Isnt that right, Rond? According with BP's own Judge a Fair and Balance Judge, BP has committed no crime whatsoever. Emergency Update Great News!!! BP just saved the Planet! Where is their Medal of Freedom? Good News!! Thanks to the powers of the Free Market, BP wont have to worry regarding the clean up bill! The American people love Oil so much that this one is on them! Super Emergency Update BP is running out of ideas to stop this massive environmental disaster and it is asking Real Americans to come up with ideas on how to stop the increasing liability, before the flood of lawsuits arrive BP has assured us that they have a bunch of ideas on how to stop the dripping oil, but they decided that instead they wanted to run a contest so that every single American can participate in the rescue effort! You can be a Hero and save The Gulf Coast (and take a share of the liability!) BP's spill contest is bringing the Nation together at it's darkest hour! BP is asking Real Americans to use their gut and their entrepreneurial spirit to come up with an awesomest and creative plan to save America! And if BP chooses your idea you win a free t-shirt and bragging rights! CALL NOW AT: +1 281 366 5511 Before is too late!!! Legal Disclaimer: Under conditions of the contest, BP gets to claim legal rights on taking all the credit of saving America under the penalty of liability. However, if such plan fails to deliver the salvation of the Gulf Coast all liabilities and lawsuits, by the transitive property of congruency, will be transferred to the winner of the contest, therefore making BP forever blameless of the accident. Celebrities That Support BP BP's Exclusive Photo Gallery PR Campaign To Change BP's Image as Polluters BP has suggested to re-brand the Gulf Coast, from hence forth it shall be known as the 'Oilcean', this way people will stop complaining regarding the oil spill in the sea. Instead they should be complaining regarding the the water in our oil! Image:Bphotcleanup.png|This Poor Naked Model Needs a Clean Up, Pronto! Image:Bppeoplecleanup.png|BP cares about our community and has pledge to bring more spills to bring us closer together Image:Bpbadass.jpg|BP is aware to its needs to cater to a more younger demographic Image:Bp_planet.jpg|BP looking to the future Image:Bplifecare.jpg|BP just wants to share its wealth with the rest of Nature Image:Bpnewplanet.jpg|Thanks to BP Now NASA has a new incentive to colonize a new planet, you are welcome Image:Bplubricationocean.jpg|Planet Earth is now a well run oil-machine Map of The Places That BP Hasnt Managed to Stain: They Are Working Hard to Change That BP Cares Twitter Page External Tubes *BP Cares Official Site *BP Uses Twitter to show They Care! Now "BP Cares" T-Shirt 50% Off!! *BP Gallery: How to Save BP's image! *BP's Spokesman does an interview *BP's PR master, Terry, Joins Twitter! *Even the oil has its own twitter page! *BP's Spokesman betrays BP! *BP throws a freebie *BP waiting for Obama to bow down to their demands *BP declares "Mission Accomplish" *BP declares spill footage "Company Trade Secrets" *Americans Love BP Cares! *BP cares regarding health concern, which is why Health Care cost will be past to the consumer *BP to release record profits! *un-american traitor soon to be executed under orders by BP our Lord and Master *un-american traitor introduces bill to Punish America's addiction to oil *Welfare Queens demand free money *Obama continues his hatred for America *Destroying the livelihood of fishermen is a patriotic duty, they are marine welfare queen. Smearing BP on the other hand is unamerican *GOP supports BP on its time of need *BP wont tolerate welfare queens stealing their oil *BP to eliminate welfare queens from stealing their hard earned cash *BP Declares Accident a Punishment from God. No Way to Predict *BP helps to bring jobs to local economy, you are welcome *BP blames lazy workers for delayed clean up *BP disputes claims that The Monster Oil is coming *a Great F@cking Idea! *New Orleans loves BP! *Fishermen given new bootstraps *BP defeats that Hippie Bestiality Fish Lover Aquaman! *Good News! Our Profits Are Saved! *BP's CEO Upset That World Hates Him *BP successfully stops un-american welfare queens from stealing our fish *Good News! BP Soon to Experience Managerial Changes *BP to sue lazy worker for defamation *Good News! BP Cannot Be Held Liable! God To Be Sue for All His Worth! *Evil environmentalists refuse to give life back to BP's CEO! *BP sues Mississippi for stealing their oil *Republican endorses Oil Flavor Foodstuffs *CEO to spend more time with his creditors *some lazy welfare queen wasting his time singing. If you have time to play the guitar you have the time to work, now get back to cleaning our beaches! *New study suggests oil safer than toothpaste *BP promises to catch the real criminals *You don't go drilling 5000 feet underwater with the tools you want, you do it with the tools you have. *Drill Baby Drill Part II! *Hippie Eco Terrorists to blame for Oil Spill *Vitter Soon to be New CEO of BP *BP weeding out Activist Judges from hearing their case *BP Declares Mission Acomplish...ish *BP's PR machine continues to win the hearts and minds of America NOTES Big Oil buys Berkeley